Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the f****** book says!

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

A banana and a vibrator sitting on a bedside table. Banana says to vibrator 'I don't know why you're shaking, she's gonna f**king EAT me!

CHINESE SUNDAY
BUFFET MENU:
*CHU SUM TWAT
*SUCK MI PORK
*LICK MI CLIT
*TUNGSUM CHICK
*GOO IN HAND
*GULP SUM KUM
*CHO KON IT
ENJOY YOUR MEAL!

Three tampons walk down the road, which one says Hi? None! They're all stuck up c**ts.

Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says "Dr i've got aids" Dr replys "U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby" Jelly Baby says "yes but Dr i've been sleepin wiv ALLSORTS

chicken and egg in bed,chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over annoyed saying"i guess we answered that question"

A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!

2 nuns meet for a coffee, first nun asks "did you come on the bus?" second nun replies "yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack"

A boy asked his mom where do babies come from and the mom said the stork, then the boy said who has s*x with the stork?

What is the lightest thing onthis planet earth?
The Pen*s cause your imagination issufficient to lift it up!

Its not the length, its not the size,
its how many times u can make it rise!
its not how well it fits but
how often u can make it spit!

i wnt 2 x u

i cnt w8 2 nuzzle ur nips

get off work early and cum get me

an essex girl has a car crash and an ambulance arrives.the paramedic asks 'how many fingers have i got up?'the girl replies- oh no i think im paralised too

He came 2 me 1 nite... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill... wen satisfied he left... I was hurt... DAMN MOSQUITO